wein.plus
Attention
You are using an old browser that may not function as expected.
For a better, safer browsing experience, please upgrade your browser.

Log in Become a Member

Cornelius: No ten horses can get me in there! If anyone sees us...

Fabian: Don't make such a fuss. In the service of the readers, one must be prepared to make sacrifices. If you don't want to, I'll do the job single-handedly, you sissy!

20 minutes later. Fabian returns with a box full of wine bottles.

Fabian: 24.82 for eight bottles of wine including Schampus. That's value for money!

Cornelius: Are you sure nobody saw you?

Fabian: You have no idea who was in there: Johann Lafer and Heinz Winkler! The two of them fought over the last pack of mozzarella. Lafer won, of course.

Home, it's 3.30 pm.

Cornelius: Do you really want to taste the wines? (shaking your head) Is that the level to which you stoop?

Fabian: I want to know, and I want to know for myself. There are too many sommelieres running around out there who have nothing better to do than to hype this up (points to the bottles). I only say Aldidente Vino...*

Cornelius: What do you want? It's only consistent if the wine testers honestly say what they think of the Aldi wines. They have no prejudices.

Fabian (angry): That's the peak of how you make yourself the spokesman for the worst wine cartel! After all, more than two thirds of all wines are marketed via the most brutally cheap channels. Aldi is certainly the biggest wine merchant in Germany.

Cornelius: Aldi is the advocate of the little people, the Robin Hood among discounters. Finally Schampus for everyone! Not even the communists managed that.

Fabian: Little people? Are you blind? Didn't you see the luxury cars of your poor little people earlier? Beetroot down, I'm going to tear them open now! (Opens the prosecco and pours).

Cornelius (checks the wine): Well, you see, the stuff is impeccable. Smells like acacia, according to regulations, is not so sweet and completely harmless. That was a classic own goal, little brother.

Fabian: The system is to blame! (Clenches his fist) Clearly, the system is to blame. You have to see the context, always the context. (His voice rolls over) They sell Spumillo here for 1.99, which doesn't even come from Valdobbiadene! Even if it says so! They can't produce that much there!

Cornelius: Appellations are dead anyway .

Fabian (pours Pinot Grigio and Bianco di Custoza): I'll shut you up with this! Have a taste!

Cornelius: Nice and soft, nice and fruity and low acidity, just like it says on the label .

Fabian: Fruity? This smells like a wild rubbish dump with a high percentage of smouldering plastic bags. No wait...(smells again) it's car tyres - the plastic bags are in the Custoza. So plastic bags for 1.49 and car tyres for 2.29. A real bargain - Robin Hood makes it possible.

Cornelius (calmly): People don't care how the wine tastes. The main thing is that they believe it is good and cheap. Faith moves mountains.

Fabian (continues to agitate): The system is to blame! Germans always need a leader who tells them what's right - even if it's a market leader. That's why at Aldi there's only one of each wine to choose from. There are no questions. Just like at the Reich Party Congress.

Cornelius (indifferent): People are just like that. They don't think complicated. They think simple is good.

Fabian (not listening, studying the label): Ah, Rosato from Apulia, that can be cheerful. (Spits out the wine immediately) It's disgusting! Smells like cooked strawberries and tastes sweet and bitter. Have you noticed that almost all the wines are bottled in Calmasino?

Cornelius: Calma...where?

Fabian: Calmasino on Lake Garda - the raw wines were carted all over the boot. What was then done with them in the winery, I can imagine.

Cornelius (pours himself the next wine): From the smell, I like the Barbera quitea bit.(Tasting carefully) Ouch! It has much more acidity than the white wines. And the tannins! They must have worked poor Barbera pretty hard in Calmasino.

Fabian (pours again and smells): I think the Chianti impresses with its perfectly integrated cork taint. Typical granulate cork, all bottles are cork-sick at a low level. Mr. Kämmer would probably not even recognise his Chianti without this specific cork note.

Cornelius: I don't understand why they always want to ban raw milk cheese - the food inspectorate should take care of this brew.

Fabian: I don't think it's bad that people want cheap wine. And I don't care that they drink bad wine. But that there are wine professionals who hype this stuff up for them here is a scandal! Parker and Petrini are responsible for the wine trade - the dirty jobs at Aldi and Co are taken over by washed-up wine waiters. That's how they keep the leaderless proles of pleasure in line.

Cornelius(pours out his glass): And what are we drinking now?

*Internationally renowned wine expert and sommelier Frank Kämmer discovers the cleanly made Aldi wines in Aldidente Vino, whose quality never disappoints.

We would like to thank the editors of Merum and the Lange brothers for making this gloss available to us.

Related Magazine Articles

View All
More
More
More
More
More
More
More
More
More
More

EVENTS NEAR YOU

PREMIUM PARTNERS